School is back in session.

School is back in session.  For some of you this is a time of getting back to a more structured schedule.  For me in particular, this is always a time of year that I love, it signals the start of the football season and the relief that the heat will soon subside.

One of my client’s has a daughter, Paige a beautiful 5-year-old girl.  Paige is conservative and tends to be on the cautious side.  Attending her first week of school has been both fun and fearful.  The week first started out well. As the days move toward the weekend Paige begins to become more and more afraid at school even needing to call her Mom during the day.  Of course, Paige’s Mom begins to spend her days as stressed as Paige.

So what can they do?

Acknowledge the child’s fears and get specific.  By acknowledging the specific characteristics that drive the fear you can bring them out in the light for a closer look.  Establishing open conversation is key.

Here is a specific example of the problem:

Paige is afraid that a stranger will come into the class room ask her teacher for her by name and the teacher will allow her to be taken away from her safety.

Solution:

Parents acknowledge the truth in this for their child.

Parents help to logically sort out whether the  “thing” is physically possible or not.  Be honest, listen and allow the child to direct the answers.  It does not matter what you think is real.

If the fear is possible, begin to put a plan in place that allows for the child to have in place a safety plan that works.  It is important that the parent asks the question and the child answers clarifying the solution through discussion.  This discussion alone should bring a sense of relief and partnership to the situation and relationship.

Some example questions:

Have you ever heard or seen this happening at your school or someone else’s school?

Does her fear happen at a certain time of day or activity?

The more specific the answers the clearer the picture of what is happening for the child on the inside.

What to do if there is no outside evidence to be afraid of:

For Paige being afraid of strangers does not only happen at school.  Her parents have talked about the unlikely event that his would happen.  Paige disagrees.

What is next?

What happens with fears and phobias is we do them well! We practice them a lot!  That is why it can become so bone chilling for one person and a non-event for another.

Step one:  Start to break the habit.  That is right, thinking is a habit.  Start finding different things to think about when you would normally think about the fearful event.

Step two:  Ask questions.

With Paige, her parents may ask her, so how do you want to feel?  Remember don’t answer for the child it is impetrative that the child find the solutions with the guidance of the parent.  I would imagine however that Paige wants to feel safe and maybe even have fun.

Step three:  Once you have determined how you want to feel, think of other situations and times that you have been able to experience that feeling.  Get specific. The more specific and real experience the better chance that you will be able to capture the true emotion and reuse it.  We want to be able to capture the emotion of how we want to feel and replace or use it in the difficult fearful moments.

Step four:  Practice empowerment when you are not thinking or talking about the fear.  Teaching children that they are able to influence their emotions is the best gift you can give a child.  Teaching that her happiness, safety, and bliss lives inside of her.  Pegging what feels good for the child and encouraging them to find the value in feeling good.  Teaching them to practice feeling that emotion and thought process until it becomes something they naturally choose.

Thoughts are choices.  We give way to much power to the intellect mind.  For the most part it gives us great ability.  But at times, it can make life down right painful.  I invite you to look at your mind as a machine, a machine that has programming that works and programming that does not work.  All machines need tweaking every now and then.

All the best, Lori