The Unaddressed List; Challenging The What Ifs

Like me, maybe you have a list of things tugging at your thoughts each day.  On my list are actions that I want to take, but for some reason I spend more time thinking about doing them than actually getting them done.  Consequently, thinking and feeling bad about not doing them take up more of my day than just doing them would.  As the days march forward I notice my list tends to be things I want to do but have some sort of internal conflict with.  I am not sure what to do with the conflict so I just think the same thoughts each day usually feeling progressively worse.  The problem is my list keeps me from feeling really good.  My list takes up valuable energy, time and has a general low negative pull on my day.

Today, and really for the last week, I have had an item on my list just like this.  I want and feel the need to call a good friend that I haven’t spoken to in a couple of years that is sick.  I know for most of you this would be a no brainer, but I’m lost.
My goal is to have a meaningful conversation with her that supports her and allows me to be a loving friend.  I want to feel as though I am contributing to her life in a positive manner.  I want to be in alignment with my own values of what friendship means to me and have that be reflected in my actions.
The problem is I am allowing my feelings of not knowing how she feels about our relationship to create conflicted internal dialogs of “what ifs.”  This conflict is preventing me from being in alignment with my values.  I say things in my head like “What if she is mad at me?”  “What if she thinks I should have been a better friend to her the last two years? “ and what if -what if -what if!  These hypothetical scenarios create fear of rejection and prevent me from taking the action that creates alignment with my values as a friend.
It all makes me feel bad so I do nothing and it stays on my list.  I am afraid and consequently have built a model of counterproductive thinking around this subject and allowed it to get pretty big.   So I just keep it on my list.
The fix is to give my thoughts a reality check and then challenge my fears. By acknowledging that these imagined “what if” thoughts are keeping me from being in alignment with my values.  I am then able to have what I want.
I chose to challenge my thinking, check my thoughts for accuracy, and test them against previous successes; and to make a conscious choice to stop presumed negative “what ifs” and turn them into good feeling “what ifs”.
Try it out on your own “what if” list and let me know how it works.  I would love to hear and share in your experience of having the life you want.

Email me!
Lori@ArizonaLifeCoachTraining.com